2021 - Đề thi IELTS Writing tháng 2 | Page 2 | Diễn đàn tiếng Anh bởi Anh Ngữ ZIM | Luyện thi IELTS, TOEIC

2021 - Đề thi IELTS Writing tháng 2

Vu Trong Hieu

Moderator
Task 1: The table shows the export values of various products in 2009 and 2010.

Answer:

The table chart gives data about the export values of 5 different products in the years 2009 and 2010.

It is noticeable that in comparison with the number of clothing and manufacturing, which declined significantly over the period shown, others saw a rise during the same period. Also, the figures for equipment and telecommunity were in the majority in the both these years.

From the chart, we can see that in 2009, there were 10.3 $HK billion in the export value of equipment, while the number of telecommunity was lower, at just under $8 billion. However, a year later, this number of telecommunity rose to $12.7 billion (an increase of 61%), whereas the percentage of equipment just grew by 13%.

Turning to the remaining categories, the amount of money earned from exporting clothing was only $6 billion in 2009, followed by the figure for manufacturing, at $5.5, respectively. By 2010, the proportion of clothing fell by 17%, compared with 27% for manufacturing. By contrast, the amount of money earned from selling metals to foreign countries was smallest in 2010, at 2.3 billion, but it rose by 122% to $5.1 billion in 2010. Moreover, there was a dramatic increase in the overall export value from $32 billion to $38.4 billion during the given period.
Mình thấy phần bài viết này của bạn Cong Anh có thể đạt điểm 7.0 bạn nhé. Bài của bạn hầu như không mắc lỗi sai nào về ngữ pháp, và bạn cũng đã dùng nhiều từ vựng miêu tả số liệu một cách chính xác và đúng ngữ cảnh. Một điều duy nhất mình thấy bài chưa thực sự tốt là về độ đa dạng của các cấu trúc bạn dùng để miêu tả số liệu, đặc biệt là ở đoạn 2 bạn nhé. Bạn hãy cố gắng đa dạng hoá một chút các cấu trúc dùng để miêu tả số liệu bằng cách tham khảo nhiều bài mẫu hơn để có thể đạt được band điểm tốt hơn bạn nhé!
 

Vu Trong Hieu

Moderator
Task 2: Some people believe that it is best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Answer:

It is thought by some that it would be better for adolescents to eat healthy at school. While this could be true to a certain extent, I am of the view that we as adults should also teach young people who live under the same roof with us how to prepare healthy meals.

There are two main reasons why youngsters should attach great significance to healthy diets at school. The most visible would be that nowadays, a high-quality education system is more likely to hire dietitians who mainly take responsibility for designing and preparing good meals for schoolers based on their weight, height, and age. Without a doubt, people may struggle to prepare such meals at home because of the lack of specific equipment and nutrition-based knowledge. In addition, the teacher (could also) act as a facilitator, enabling their pupils to have a (who encourages people to have) healthy diet. Also, they are able to find it easy to restrain (restrict) the amount of junk and snack food that learners (students sẽ bao quát được đủ hơn bạn nhé, vì students làm nhiều thứ khác, thay vì chỉ học như learners) consume at (in) their classes by putting strict fines on those who dare to do so.

However, in my view, the upsides of teaching our children to have a healthy meal at home should not be overlooked for several factors. First and foremost, by doing that (so), we have more opportunities to engage face-to-face with our children. As a result, this is not only to helps young people to maintain a healthy body (ý này ở đây hơi lệch vì bài không nói về healthy body mà là healthy meal bạn nhé) but also to build a strong family bonding with them. Last but not least, it is extremely beneficial for people to know how to cook well as a way to become more independent and mature in the foreseeable future and these impressionable youngsters are just able to learn this vital skill via following their parents at home.

In conclusion, even though I do not deny the importance of eating healthy at school, I still believe that parents also have an important role to play in the schooling of their children with regard to this issue.
Phần này của bạn Công Anh mình thấy có thể đạt band điểm 7.0 bạn nhé. Phần bài của bạn cho dù có một vài hạt sạn về ngữ pháp, chọn từ vựng và độ liên quan của ý, nhưng phần lớn thì ý của bạn cũng đã được diễn tả rõ thông qua việc sử dụng ngữ pháp chính xác bạn nhé.
Task 2: Some people feel that young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others, however, believe that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Answer:

It is thought by some that it would be better for youngsters to follow traditional customs and cultures in their community. While this could be true to a certain extent, I am of the view that individual behaviors can sometimes bring several benefits to us.

There are two main reasons why people should attach great significance to their traditions. The most visible would be that customs and cultures that were formed in the past by their ancestors in some ways can make it easier than ever for them to build a sense of attachment to their motherland. Boating games in Vietnam, for instance, are one of the most prominent activities that are held on an annual basis with a view to remembering heroes who died to protect our nation (their homeland) (ý này của bạn nên bổ sung thêm là ảnh hưởng của hoạt động này lên người trẻ, cụ thể là "build a sense of attachment to their mother homeland" là gì bạn nhé). In addition to this, by maintaining traditional activities, locals may find it easy to attract foreign tourists who are more likely to visit a nation in order to see unfamiliar cultures. This, in turn, can have a positive impact on the economy of local areas because the locals are able to provide various services such as transport, accommodation, and catering service for those foreigners.

However, in my view, the upsides of personal behaviors should not be overlooked for a number of factors. Firstly, it is extremely beneficial for adolescents to be encouraged to create new activities as a way to develop creativity and set up a positive mindset. Secondly, numerous traditions like drinking blood animals in Vietnam are out of date, and therefore, following them could have an adverse influence on the next generations. Last but not least, some modern activities such as Parkour and street dancing soon become new traditions that also draw great attention of people across the world. (Các ý này của bạn phát triển còn hơi vội, và chỉ dừng lại ở mức liệt kê là chủ yếu bạn nhé. Bạn nên xem xét bổ sung ý bổ trợ cho các ý trên)

In conclusion, although I do not deny the importance of traditional cultures, I still believe that we should act as a facilitator, enabling young people to create novel activities.
Phần bài trên của bạn Cong Anh mình thấy cũng có thể đạt được band điểm 7.0, nhưng còn non một chút vì đoạn thân bài 2 của bạn phát triển chưa được tốt. Còn lại về các khía cạnh khác thì mình giữ nguyên quan điểm như bình luận ở trên của mình bạn nhé!
Task 1: The plans show a student common room five years ago and now.
Answer:

The two pictures compare the current layout of a student common room with its old design of 5 years ago.

It is noticeable that there are a number of changes in this common room, mainly in the central hall area, while the external wall and entrance still remain unchanged in terms of size and position.

From the plans, we can see that there were 4 round tables with 6 chairs for each in the hall area 5 years ago. However, at present, 2 of them were removed and replaced by a rectangular table with 10 chairs and a bench for laptops at the present. Moreover, another round table which used to be located at the right corner was moved to nearly the rectangle-shaped table to make room for the drinking machine. In addition, the television and 3 armchairs at the moment are put in the original place of the drinking machine.

On the left side of the entrance, there were 2 benches in this area 5 years ago, but one of them was demolished (removed sẽ phù hợp hơn vì demolish thường không chung với đồ vật bạn nhé) to make way for an additional microwave. Despite the above modifications, there were no changes with the cupboard, the sink, the refrigerator, the old microwave, and the remaining bench.
Phần bài này của bạn Cong Anh mình thấy cũng có thể đạt được điểm 7.0 bạn nhé. Mình không thấy có vấn đề gì quá lớn với phần bài này của bạn, và hầu hết các ý của bạn đều đã rõ hiểu thông qua việc bạn sử dụng tương đối chính xác các từ vựng và cấu trúc ngữ pháp trong xuyên xuyết bài bạn nhé.

Rất mong bạn Cong Anh có thể rút kinh nghiệm từ những bình luận trên và tiếp tục cải thiện bài làm của mình bạn nhé!
 

Vu Trong Hieu

Moderator
Task 1 (25/2) table
The table illustrates the changing value from exporting five different products in two separate years, 2009 and 2010, measured in HK billion dollars

Overview, it is clear that the export earning increased in all goods except for clothing and manufacturing. Additionally, while equipment was a leading product, metals showed the most significant increase in their figure.

Looking at the graph in more detail, over the period given, the total value of exportation increased 20% from 32 to 38,4. To be more specific, earnings from equipment and telecommunity accounted for the highest figures, with 10,3 and 7,9, respectively. After a year, these goods both recorded a rise of 13% and 61% (to reach [số liệu sau tăng]... để rõ ràng hơn một chút bạn nhé, nhưng điều này không bắt buộc) respectively (câu từ as well đến product thì bạn có thể tách làm câu riêng cho dễ đọc hơn bạn nhé) as well as a replacement of the major role as the dominant product. The other item that showed a dramatic increase over the same period of time was metals, as its number rocketed 122% (from 2,3 to 5,7).

Turning to the remaining data set, exporting clothing and manufacturing goods contributed smaller values. Their numbers witnessed a decline of 17% and 27% for each.
Phần bài này của bạn Susan mình thấy có thể rơi vào band điểm 7.0 non bạn nhé. Phần lớn các câu của bạn đã đều sử dụng đúng ngữ pháp, và các từ vựng trong bài của bạn phần lớn đã chính xác về mặt ngữ cảnh. Ngoài một số hạt sạn rất nhỏ khác như là việc tách câu thì mình không còn phản hồi nào khác bạn nhé!
Task 1 (27/2) Maps
The two layouts illustrate the changes in a student room at 5 years ago and the present.

Overall, the room has undergone a significant development, specifically with respect to some leisure facilities.

Looking at the two plans in more detail, a noticeable change is (in the) positions of study tables, (phần này trở đi cho đến ...the entrance bạn tách thành câu riêng bạn nhé.) two round tables are removed to make room for a long rectangular one and it is then moved towards the entrance. In the south part of the room, a workbench is installed in which students can use their own laptops. Additionally, in order to help learners have a space to relax, a new TV and three armchairs are set up in place of (dùng cụm từ này ở đây rất hợp!) a bookshelf in the southeastern corner.
Turning to the North part, the room has been equipped with other kitchen facilities like a cupboard, a sink, two benches, a microwave and a fridge, allowing students to have meals here. All of these appliances have remained unchanged, except for one bench which is converted (replaced with) into a new microwave. Besides (Additionally), students can also get some drinks at a drinks machine right next to the fridge.
Phần bài trên của bạn Susan mình thấy cũng có có thể rơi vào band điểm 7.0 non bạn nhé, và các bình luận của mình ở trên vẫn giữ nguyên bạn nhé!
 

Vu Trong Hieu

Moderator
Task 2 (27/2) Some people feel that young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others, however, believe that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Whether following the traditional things or expressing independent viewpoints is such a debatable (bạn Phong về tìm hiểu lại xem từ này dùng liệu đã chính xác chưa bạn nhé) problem for most teenagers and young adults today. This essay will analyze this problem from two (both thì sẽ cụ thể hơn là chỉ two không thôi bạn nhé) views and give some opinions to support the idea that people should combine both traditional and newer values.

First off, encouraging young people to maintain old values in their society is considered prominent (từ này thường đi cùng với các danh từ khác bạn nhé, chứ không thường đứng nguyên.) in the context of globalization and modernization. This can be explained in numerous ways, but forming society's basis inherited from the previous generations is the most important reason (ý này còn khá khó hiểu bạn nhé, vì mình không biết forming society's basis ở đây là form cho xã hội hay các bạn trẻ form cho chính mình). Advocates for this idea claim that, by learning from ancestors' lesson (bạn chưa hề nói tới ý lesson trước đó, nhưng ở đây bạn giải thích ý này như thể là mình đã giới thiệu nó trước đó rồi, bạn nên tránh làm vậy bạn nhé), the youth will follow the social evaluation standards to control themself and live morality. Furthermore, preserving old customs or habits contributes to developing a sense of patriotism in most citizens. If young people forget these traditions, they will never understand how hard the ancestors built and prevented the whole country (cấu trúc này cụt bạn nhé, vì prevent ở đây thường đi cùng với from doing sth) until now (bạn nên giải thích thêm là việc hiểu này còn có giá trị gì nữa bạn nhé).

However, some others are of the opinion that, in modern society, people need to be allowed to behave freely. They think that the old traditions are out-of-date, in comparison with the development of their own country. Besides, they believe that individualism is the process of cleaning (erasing) stereotypes, which is the main for the inequalities between different inhabitants' levels in feudal societies. For example, old traditions usually judge the values of men higher than those of women. Men have more chances to study and strive for high positions in society, while women are just considered for the pregnancy and taking care of babies, or cooking meals in their homes. (Phần lập luận của bạn ở đây đang bị cụt, vì bạn thiếu kết luận cho ví dụ và lý lẽ bạn vừa nêu, và cũng cho cả đoạn văn này)

In conclusion, my firm conviction is that, although there are many arguments about the importance of traditional or modern values for the current lifestyle, establishing the connection between traditions and modern values stabilizes the transformation between traditional relics and modern achievements. I strongly believe that people, especially young adults, need to combine and make use of the two mentioned positive aspects views.
Phần bài này của bạn Đông Phong mình nghĩ có thể đạt được band điểm 6.5 bạn nhé. Về mặt từ vựng và ngữ pháp thì mình thấy bạn đã có ý thức sử dụng nhiều cấu trúc và từ vựng mới, và nhiều từ bạn dùng đã tương đối chính xác. Tuy nhiên thì bạn Phong nên để ý hơn về việc tư duy và chọn lựa ý bạn nhé, vì mình thấy một số ý bạn đưa ra còn chưa thực sự hoàn chỉnh và đôi lúc còn khó hiểu.

Mình rất mong bạn Phong có thể rút kinh nghiệm từ những bình luận trên và từ đó cải thiện các bài viết tiếp theo bạn nhé!
 

AnnePham729

New member
Task 1 (27/2)
Mong ad góp ý cho em ạ, em cảm ơn ạ.

Overall, the layout of the student communal space has changed significantly over 5 years in order to provide students with more convenience.

At present, instead of setting up four round tables horizontally, they cut down to two round ones and one big rectangle one, which saves more space for the entertainment area and alters the number of seats a little. The right side of the room has been added a lot of furnitures since there were less chairs and tables. The television has replaced the shelf in the bottom corner of the map and three armchairs have been placed half-surrounded it. It is noticeable that students can now buy some beverage at the new drinking machine standing next to the same old refrigerator.

Regarding the line of furnitures at the top of the room layout, compared to 5 years ago, the cupboard, the sink and one bench remains the same, while the other bench has been taken place by an extra microwave. At the opposite side, people have put a long bench aligned with the wall specifically for laptop users.
 

Vu Trong Hieu

Moderator
Task 1 (27/2)

Overall, the layout of the student communal space has changed significantly over 5 years in order to provide students with more convenience.

At present, instead of setting up four round tables horizontally, they (ở đây thì they không thực sự cụ thể là ai bạn nhé, và bạn cũng nên tránh sử dụng các đại từ nhân xưng trong IELTS khi chưa đề cập đến đối tượng được nhắc tới trước đó bạn nhé) cut down to two round ones and one big rectangle one, which saves more space for the entertainment area and alters the number of seats a little. The right side of the room has been added a lot of furnitures since there were less chairs and tables. The television has replaced the shelf in the bottom corner of the map and three armchairs have been placed half-surrounded it (mình không hiểu ý bạn muốn nói ở đây là gì bạn nhé, vì placed half-surrounded không phải là một cụm từ có tồn tại trong tiếng Anh). It is noticeable that students can now buy some beverage at the new drinking machine standing next to the same old refrigerator.

Regarding the line of furnitures at the top of the room layout, compared to 5 years ago, the cupboard, the sink and one bench remains the same, while the other bench has been taken place (replaced) by an extra microwave. At the opposite side, people have put a long bench aligned with the wall specifically for laptop users.
Phần bài của bạn Ann thì mình thấy có thể đạt band điểm 6.0 bạn nhé. Ở bài này mình đã thấy bạn sử dụng ngữ pháp tương đối chuẩn, và đã có ý thức sử dụng một vài từ mới trong bài. Tuy nhiên thì trong bài của bạn còn có một vài hạt sạn tuy nhỏ nhưng lại gây khó hiểu cho người đọc. Bạn nên chú ý một chút ở điểm này để có thể viết bài được điểm cao hơn bạn Anne nhé!
 

PhungPhuongThao

New member
Task 1 (25/2)
The given table illustrates the change in export value in the years 2009 and 2010.
From the initial impression, it is apparent that the figures for clothing and manufacturing experienced a downward trend while the reserve was true for the remainders. Furthermore, the total export value in 2010 is slightly higher than the one in 2009.
On the one hand, there was not a noticeable rise in the figure for equipment, at only 13%. However, the export value of clothing experienced a slight fall, from 6 $HK Billion to 5 $HK Billion. A 17% downward trend was also registered in the figure for manufacturing, at only 4$HK Billion in 2010.
Looking at the table for more information, the statistics show a dramatic increase of 61% the export value of telecommunity, from 7.9 to 12.7 $HK Billion. Moreover, there was a big change in the figure for metal, which was about 122%. Last but not least, the overall export value rose from 32$HK Billion to 38.4$HK Billion, recorded as a positive increase of 20%.
 

PhungPhuongThao

New member
Task 1 (6/2)
The given chart depicts the proportions of three types of companies, namely small, medium and large using social media for business purposes over a period of 4 years, starting from 2012.
Overall, both three kinds of companies experienced an increase in having social media presence. Furthermore, the figure for large business was much higher than the remainders.
In 2012, the percentage of applying social media for business purposes in small companies was only about 25% before fluctuated to approximately 50% in 2016. The figure for medium companies in 2012 was slightly higher than the one for small companies, at nearly 35%. There was also a more than 20% rise in the figure for medium business at the end of the period.
Looking at the graph for more information, the rate of using social media in large companies was much higher than the one of small and medium companies, which was about 80% in the first year. However, it was not registered a big increase throughout the period when the figure for large companies in 2016 was just nearly the same as the one in 2012.
 

Vu Trong Hieu

Moderator
Task 1 (6/2)
The given chart depicts the proportions of three types of companies, namely small, medium and large using social media for business purposes over a period of 4 years, starting from 2012.
Overall, both three kinds of companies experienced an increase in having social media presence. Furthermore, the figure for large business was much higher than the remainders.
In 2012, the percentage of applying social media for business purposes in small companies (small companies using social media for business purposes) was only about 25% before fluctuating to approximately 50% in 2016. The figure for medium companies in 2012 was slightly higher than the one for small companies, at nearly 35%. There was also a more than 20% rise in the figure for medium business at the end of the period.
Looking at the graph for more information, the rate of using social media in large companies was much higher than the one of small and medium companies, which was about 80% in the first year. However, it was (did) not registered a big increase throughout the period when the figure for large companies in 2016 was just nearly the same as the one in 2012.(Thay vì viết theo cách này thì mình nghĩ bạn có thể viết rằng: This figure would remain about the same throughout the entire period, as opposed to major increases seen in medium and small companies để có thể nhấn mạnh hơn về sự không thay đổi bạn nhé)
Phần bài bạn Thảo thì mình thấy có thể đạt được band điểm 6.5 non bạn nhé. Về mặt bằng chung thì mình thấy bạn đã có khả năng dùng ngữ pháp và từ vựng hợp lý để diễn tả ý một cách chính xác, và thông tin trong bài của bạn đã có sự chọn lọc và so sánh khá tốt. Về lỗi sai thì mình thấy bạn không mắc phải lỗi nào quá nghiêm trọng, nhưng bạn cần chú ý hơn về cách diễn đạt tối ưu và dễ đọc nhất bạn nhé!
 
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